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女友說出超白癡的話拒絕與我滾床單 不得已我使出大招..

國外一個少年因為某晚女友拒絕和他滾床單,而且她拒絕的理由超白癡,令少年無比鬱悶,於是他使出了大招,終於...



One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,「I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.」
說起來,這是上週的事情了,有一天晚上我和女友都進了被窩,然後...你懂的,無非就是各種摩擦...在光滑的床單上摩擦...「今天就算了吧,我只希望你摟著我就好」

I said, 「WHAT??!! What was that?!」
我說:「什麼?這算什麼?」

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
於是,我聽到了這個星球上所有男生都最不願意聽到的話...

「You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.」
「我是個女人,我需要情感慰藉,而你從不滿足我這點需求,你只想著滿足你們男人的發洩慾望!」

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 「Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?」
看著我一臉百思不得其解的表情,她又接著說:「我就是這樣,你要愛就愛我的全部,而不是我的身體!」

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
瞭解到那晚基本上和她啪啪啪無望之後,我只得洗洗就睡覺了。

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 「Lets get a pair for each outfit.」
第二天一早,我就跟領導請了一天假,花了一整天時間陪她,中午我們去了一家高檔餐廳吃了一頓飯,緊接著去了一家超豪華的商場,她在服裝區不斷試穿各種貴到嚇死人的衣服,最後已經不知道該買哪一件好了,於是,我告訴她,不挑了,全買了,挑完衣服她又想要挑能搭配衣服的鞋子,我也還是告訴她:「每套衣服都配上一雙鞋子。」


We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
我們又去珠寶區逛,她又看上了一對鑽石耳環,這麼跟大家說吧,今天她可高興了,她估計自己都覺得會不會有點過分, 我都能覺察她在試探我的耐心了,因為她又說要買一條網球手鐲,而她連網球都不會打

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 「That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.」
當我對她說「差不多了,親愛的」的時候,我覺得她還有點錯愕,一路買下來感覺她激動的都快濕了,不過她還是穩住心神,滿懷希望地對我說:「我也覺得買這些就可以了,親愛的,我們去交錢吧~」

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 「No honey, I don't feel like it.」
說出下面這句話的時候,我都快繃不住要笑出來了,但是,我還是脫口而出:「不,親愛的,今天就算了吧」

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 「WHAT?」
她的小臉立刻就白了,下巴快掉到地上了一樣,一臉的困惑:「什麼?」


I then said, 「Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.」
我接著說:「親愛的,我只希望你摟著這些東西一會兒,我是個男人,我需要經濟慰藉,而你從不滿足我這點需求,你只想著滿足你們女人的購物慾望!」

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 「Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?」
就在她流露出濃濃的殺意的時候,我緊接著補充道:「我就是這樣,你要愛就愛我的全部,而不是愛我買給你的東西!」

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight.
當然了,晚上我又是一個人睡的!

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