分享

女友說出超白癡的話拒絕與我滾床單 不得已我使出大招..

國外一個少年因為某晚女友拒絕和他滾床單,而且她拒絕的理由超白癡,令少年無比鬱悶,於是他使出了大招,終於...



One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,「I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.」
說起來,這是上週的事情了,有一天晚上我和女友都進了被窩,然後...你懂的,無非就是各種摩擦...在光滑的床單上摩擦...「今天就算了吧,我只希望你摟著我就好」

I said, 「WHAT??!! What was that?!」
我說:「什麼?這算什麼?」

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
於是,我聽到了這個星球上所有男生都最不願意聽到的話...

「You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.」
「我是個女人,我需要情感慰藉,而你從不滿足我這點需求,你只想著滿足你們男人的發洩慾望!」

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 「Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?」
看著我一臉百思不得其解的表情,她又接著說:「我就是這樣,你要愛就愛我的全部,而不是我的身體!」

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
瞭解到那晚基本上和她啪啪啪無望之後,我只得洗洗就睡覺了。

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 「Lets get a pair for each outfit.」
第二天一早,我就跟領導請了一天假,花了一整天時間陪她,中午我們去了一家高檔餐廳吃了一頓飯,緊接著去了一家超豪華的商場,她在服裝區不斷試穿各種貴到嚇死人的衣服,最後已經不知道該買哪一件好了,於是,我告訴她,不挑了,全買了,挑完衣服她又想要挑能搭配衣服的鞋子,我也還是告訴她:「每套衣服都配上一雙鞋子。」


We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
我們又去珠寶區逛,她又看上了一對鑽石耳環,這麼跟大家說吧,今天她可高興了,她估計自己都覺得會不會有點過分, 我都能覺察她在試探我的耐心了,因為她又說要買一條網球手鐲,而她連網球都不會打

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 「That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.」
當我對她說「差不多了,親愛的」的時候,我覺得她還有點錯愕,一路買下來感覺她激動的都快濕了,不過她還是穩住心神,滿懷希望地對我說:「我也覺得買這些就可以了,親愛的,我們去交錢吧~」

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 「No honey, I don't feel like it.」
說出下面這句話的時候,我都快繃不住要笑出來了,但是,我還是脫口而出:「不,親愛的,今天就算了吧」

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 「WHAT?」
她的小臉立刻就白了,下巴快掉到地上了一樣,一臉的困惑:「什麼?」


I then said, 「Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.」
我接著說:「親愛的,我只希望你摟著這些東西一會兒,我是個男人,我需要經濟慰藉,而你從不滿足我這點需求,你只想著滿足你們女人的購物慾望!」

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 「Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?」
就在她流露出濃濃的殺意的時候,我緊接著補充道:「我就是這樣,你要愛就愛我的全部,而不是愛我買給你的東西!」

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight.
當然了,晚上我又是一個人睡的!

*感激傷害你的人,因為他磨練了你的心志;*感激欺騙你的人,因為他增進了你的智慧;*感激中傷你的人,因為他砥礪了你的人格;*感激鞭打你的人,因為他激發了你的鬥志;*感激遺棄你的人,因為他教導了你該獨立;*感激絆倒你的人,因為他強化了你的雙腿;*感激斥責你的人,因為他提醒了你的缺點; 精采原文在這裡>...

看到一個深愛著你的人為你而改變因為愛你,他收起他的頑固脾氣因為愛你,他對別人都以感謝的心因為愛你,他把你的興趣也變成是他的興趣喜歡一個人是沒有原因的他無悔的付出,都認為是值得的,只要能和相愛的人在一起...其實我們的身邊都有一些這樣的人,只是我們還沒發現...最懂你的人,總是會一直的在你身邊守護你,...

有沒有想過,當你汲汲營營的為了工作而加班,或者為了考上研究所而挑燈夜戰背後真正的目的是?人爬得越高,車子也越大。長久以來,大家都是如此地在社會中「進化」。升大學時,我告別了單車族,靠家教收入成為機車族,當超越同學的單車,呼嘯而過時,心中隱隱有股優越感。出社會後,賣命工作一段時間,我很快地進化為「汽...

森林裡,狐狸垂涎刺猬的美味很久了,但一直苦於刺猬的一身硬刺——只要狐狸一靠近,刺猬便蜷成一個大刺球,讓狐狸一點辦法都沒有。 刺猬和烏鴉是好朋友。一天,刺猬和烏鴉聊天,烏鴉很羨慕刺猬有這麼好的“鎧甲”,便說:“ 朋友,你的這一身鎧甲真是好啊,...

Facebook留言板