One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says,「I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.」
I said, 「WHAT??!! What was that?!」
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
「You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.」
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 「Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?」
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 「Lets get a pair for each outfit.」
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 「That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.」
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 「No honey, I don't feel like it.」
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 「WHAT?」
I then said, 「Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.」
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 「Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?」
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight.